Let me say that again... God is GOOD! This year He seems to be making every effort to grab my attention and bring me back to a full and amazing relationship with Him that I have let go astray the past few years.
We recently started going to New Hope Church... Well, I guess the first service we went to was a random visit in August, but in December we decided that we wanted to call it our home church. What an amazing group of people. Every time we go, people search us out to talk to us and help us feel welcome. The congregation is small which is perfect for us. The most amazing part is that every week, it seems like the pastor wrote the sermon just for us. The subjects are always exactly what we are going through at the moment or contain answers to discussions we have been having. God knows what we need and has been faithful to provide.
God is putting several amazing women in my life to encourage me in my faith and my calling. Some of them don't know how instrumental they have been in reminding me of where I was and where I should be now in my relationship with God. I'm so thankful for all of you who listen to what God is instructing you to do and say. You and your willingness to be a vessel for God have impacted my life and I'm sure many others. God will bless you for your faithfulness.
One major lesson I'm learning right now is how important it is to pray. For those of you who know me well, you probably thought I already knew that right? Well, I guess knowing and acting are two different things. As I said earlier, I've let my relationship with God go astray for the past few years, but recently I've started challenging myself to pray more. I would like to announce that after two weeks of praying more, my relationship with my husband has improved and my desire for God has increased. I've been challenged to start praying for people too... this in the past has always made me nervous. I feel extremely vulnerable when I pray out loud and I don't like vulnerable situations. I still feel extremely nervous when I do, but I know God is with me and wants to challenge me so that I can grow.
The hard part with this new emphasis on the greatness of God is that I start noticing how not-great I am. My current thoughts are focused around how I discipline my kids, planning meals, shopping for groceries, joy (or a lack of joy), my body (weight, fitness level, etc..), and being faithful with the little things. All of the above mentioned things are areas where I feel that I have failed miserably. Which makes me feel irresponsible and unfaithful. If any of you are people who pray, you are welcome to include me in your prayers surrounding the above subjects. I am a thinker so this is where my thoughts will lay for the next few weeks while I try to figure out how to change my my outlook. I know the first thing to tackle is joy. James 1:3 says:
"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
As they say, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" I realize that I set the tone for the family so I need to make sure I can find joy in God without depending on my circumstances providing it for me.
Discipline is something that has been tough. You read parenting books, but remembering all the instructions during real life is hard. I need to have a sit down with Nate to decide on a method and stick to it.
My body is a tough one. I believe that keeping my body fit is an act of worship to a point. God gave us our bodies as "temples" to house Jesus in our hearts. Therefore, we need to keep our bodies in good shape to honor Him. I'm trying... I started training for a marathon, but suddenly I started getting all these injuries and the past two weeks I've been unable to train because my joints are killing me. This is extremely frustrating. I kind of feel like it's an example of how I act in general... I don't ease into things (unless it's a new group of people, but that's another issue), I tend to jump in head first instead of starting slow and making sure that I'm following God's will for my life. I'm also a pretty independent person so having something like running is a great way for me to have time for me. I feel so much better mentally when I run, but my body is not on my side.
Planning meals and grocery shopping are hard ones for me. I want so desperately to feed my family healthy foods. I primarily buy organic and try hard not to eat processed foods or many sugars, but this is a very expensive way to eat and I'm not a very organized person. I tend to get overwhelmed with the idea of grocery shopping and have a hard time sticking with meal plans which often makes food go to waste which causes even more frustration. I need to figure out a system and stick with it.
As for being faithful with the little things, I think this sums up all my problems. In the end, I feel like I'm not a very responsible person. As a wife and a stay-at-home-mom, I have automatic duties: Cook, clean, create structure for the kids, be joyful and stay healthy. I don't think I routinely do any of these things. I will for a while and then let it go. I have a long list of reasons why I can't get things done, but in the end, if I was at a job outside the home, none of those reasons would matter to a boss. I just need to do things instead of dreading it or feeling like I deserve a rest. My kids mean more to me than that and so does the sanity of my husband, myself and my kids. So now, I need to process all this and make a plan to change. Then implement the change and stick to it. I need to make it a lifestyle. I know I can do it because I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
